How my hairdresser illustrated life's most valuable lesson in persuasion
Have you ever heard of the ‘Reciprocity Effect?’.
It's a powerful principle that revolves around the idea of giving and receiving.
And it’s your greatest untapped source of influence for success in life.
Reciprocity has been a critical tool for 1000’s of years enabling kindness, influence building, likability, and charisma.
It’s a term misunderstood, yet it’s stood the test of time.
Most people don’t know how to leverage reciprocity effectively. In fact, reciprocity, when done badly, can be mistaken for selfishness.
Many people think life in the context of ‘what’s in it for me?’. But life is actually, ‘what’s in it for them?’.
It’s ‘how can I help you?’, rather than, "how can you help me?".
Today, we'll explore how embracing reciprocity can lead to a successful life, boost your influence, and create a ripple effect of good luck.
The Boomerang
Giving is the cornerstone of reciprocity. When we offer help to others without expecting anything in return, we lay the groundwork for trust.
When we help others, we create a feel good factor in them. Just like a chemical reaction, generosity creates a dopamine bond between the giver, and receiver.
And beyond making people feel incredible good, reciprocity is like a magnet. When you gift generously without expectation for a return, you attract the same in return.
We become a magnet for attracting generosity and opportunity.
Can you remember Newton Third Law of Motion?
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction
Reciprocity is the same. When we give, we get back. In circles back round.
If you give generously, generosity circles back round. If you take, without giving, you lose friends, and clients.
Can you remember when friends have bailed you out of trouble? Or perhaps someone gave you a gift expectedly?
How did it make you feel?
If anything when like when my mates offered me a couch to stay on when I was needed support, a feeling of indebtedness.
A feeling that ‘I must repay the favour’.
And that’s the magic of reciprocity. Humans are conditioned not just to want to repay the favour, it’s a feeling that we must repay the debt.
I experienced this recently at a Barbers when visiting a new city.
I sat down, was offered a coffee/beers (which I declined) and proceeded with the haircut. We had a great conversation, found out we had loads in common, and enjoyed a chat about sport.
The service was okay (nothing special), definitely burnt my ears with those flame dabbers, and sprayed that killer lemon juice in my eyes!
After the haircut was finished, he asked, ‘would you like a beer for the road or a box of these sweets?’. I said, ‘no thank you, but that’s kind’. He persisted, ‘Honestly, you’re more than welcome to take the beer’. I accepted.
The haircut was £24 (I know, pretty expensive) and I ended up giving him a £5 tip. I normally give a 10% tip but I gave him 20%.
Why was that? Why did I give him a huge tip for an average haircut. Well, here’s the mad thing.
Even though he offered me the beer, the sweets, and made me feel comfortable, I knew he was applying the principles of reciprocity.
And when you explore the psychology, it all makes sense.
He was curious to understand my interests which created a feeling of familiarity and similarity in me. He was generous. He was genuine, kind, and giving.
I felt (without even consciously realising), that I needed to return the favour. In fact, I was willing to give more than I usual do.
He understood the power of reciprocity. That life is all about how you make people feel.
This can be applied in any walk of life. Nurturing relationships, attracting clients, building high-performing team cultures, and retaining partnerships.
Remember, reciprocity is like a boomerang: what you give out eventually comes back to you.
But how do you practically create reciprocity? How do you build reciprocity into tangible habits in your day?
Building Reciprocity Credits
Reciprocity is like having an ISA account. When you consistently bank a small amount of money, interest grows into bigger pot of cash.
And you can build small reciprocity credits in simple ways. Here’s some examples:
- Be generous, by inviting someone to an interesting social event that will benefit that person by meeting potential clients.
- Express gratitude, by saying thank you to a person who introduces you to a valuable contact or provides you with some other favour.
- Be sincere, making genuine positive comments about what a person does or says.
- Do small favours consistently, such as noting promotions, sending articles that might be helpful, remembering birthdays, etc.
It’s designed to provide a snapshot analysis of your team culture health, from your unique perspective. A self-assessment, in your eyes, of it’s current status.
My favourite is being what I call it the 2% super-connector. It’s simple.
Spend 20 minutes a week (2% of one day) making a deliberate effort connecting people within your network with each other.
Connect Jennie with Lucy because they are both starting a business at the same time in marketing.
Connect Jamie with Annie because Jamie is looking to build new connections with a separate arm of the business.
Connect Nick with Sarah because Sarah might benefit from some advice on maximising their presence on their LinkedIn profile.
What better way can you provide value than making someone feel good by asking if they can help someone else feel good?
You’re creating a domino effect of generosity by helping others help each other.
Reciprocity is a fantastic tool for forging strong relationships, and we can think of them like gardens: they require consistent care and nurturing to flourish.
And just like in the garden, the fruits of your labor are worth it if you invest just a few minute per week cultivating reciprocity.
So, there you have it, folks! Embracing reciprocity is an incredible way to multiply your opportunities, foster relationships, and enhance your influence.
Don't forget to offer help without expecting anything in return, and be patient. Good things come to those who wait.
And hey, I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences with reciprocity. Feel free to share your stories in the comments below, and let's continue the conversation.
By adopting a mindset of giving and focusing on how we can help others, we create a world where everyone wins.
Not only does this approach lead to personal success, but it also allows us to become influential figures in our communities.
So, let's get out there and start practicing reciprocity! You never know what doors it might open, and how it could transform your life for the better. Happy giving, friends!
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